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Q&A
Ask us your Questions
Diminished Libido?
I am a woman in my mid 50’s and while I used to have a healthy interest in sex, I have found my interest decreasing over the last few years. What can I do to increase my libido?
Rosalinde: Changes in libido are extremely common in midlife for women and men. The first thing to look is your health. It is a good idea to get a baseline for where you are at in your menopausal transition. Even when a woman is still having periods more or less regularly, by midlife she is likely to be experiencing swings and changes to what was previously her “normal” hormonal rhythm. If you are experiencing some of the common symptoms of menopause such as fatigue, heart palpitations, hot flashes or increased general temperature, weight gain, pain during sex, etc., libido changes are not a surprising side effect. There are many options for addressing these issues and a health coach, along with your doctor, can help you decide which are the best options for you.
Once health issues are addressed, we can look at the physiological, psychological and emotional components. Hormonal changes can create a, “reduction in blood flow to the pelvic region” [The New Menopause, Dr. Mary Claire Haver, MD], resulting in a decrease in natural stimulation to the area. This is where pelvic floor exercises and self-massage with a tool or a partner, and lubricants can be helpful. It is natural for all of this change to have an impact on how we feel, our confidence, and our desire. Communication with your partner is essential during this time. As we speak about in our other posts, intimacy with your partner is more than just sexual penetration and it starts outside the bedroom. This is an opportunity to address relationship issues that may be affecting your intimacy and to explore other methods of sexual touch and expression.
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Libido is a multi-faceted expression of our life energy and it is different for everyone. That said, changes in libido are a sign that something else needs to be addressed. We work with women and men on this and other health and relationship issues. Let us help you discover your best self.
Ebb and Flow
I am a 49 year old man and over the last few years my erection has become less reliable. This is causing a lot of mental stress and anxiety, but I don't want to take medication. What can be done?
Russell: It's important to rule out any health issues. Make sure that your sleep and fitness are dialed in and have your prostate checked. Secondly, realize there is a natural ebb and flow in the penis during sex. This is not a cause for alarm. Often, fear and embarrassment can create more of problem. Try to stay out of your head and share what's happening with your partner. This can be scary, but it eases the pressure and can encourage a moment of bonding. There are positions that can help sustain or encourage an erection, but, understand that sex is more than penetration. Focusing on touch, on your partner's body and your own sensations can bring you into the present moment and lead to a more fulfilling experience with or without penetration.
Rosalinde: I would definitely emphasize ruling out health issues first. Get your prostate checked, along with your heart, your hormones, vitamin levels, etc. How is your diet, stress, fitness and sleep? What about your weight, general muscle mass, etc? If any of these factors are an issue, they need to be addressed not only for your sexual health, but your overall wellness and I cannot stress enough that this is where to start. While these may not provide immediate fixes, what you can do in the meantime is talk about it with your partner. This is so important because while you may be feeling insecure or uncomfortable, your partner might be feeling the same. This is an opportunity for you both to assure the other of your attraction and to explore the wide array of other types of physical intimacy. Use this as a time to discover together what you enjoy while you work on improving your physical wellness.
Haver, Mary Claire. The New Menopause. Rodale, 2024